hey ya not much to say but go look at my pics

hey every body sorry i have been gone for so long and missing every thing. i got really sick for a little while, and still kinda am, but im better than i was 5 weeks ago. 6 weeks ago my head started hurting really bad and just got worse and worse...that was a saterday. on the following thursday night..or friday morning. at 2 in the morning i went to the ER and they made me stay tell sunday. they did 5 L.P.'S or spinal taps, and found that the fluid presser was to high. the doctors think i have something called a "sudo tumor sirrebie" ? spelling because i dont have a clue how its spelled. well any ways its when water colects in your spine and the presser builds until the water gose into your head = water on the brain = exsterem pain! well when the finaly got the fluid out..well hell as soon as the presser was lowered, my head stoped hurting all together. then 2 hours later it came back and now its almost 6 weeks since i first got the head ache, and i have to go to so many doctor app. its unbelieveable. i have to meet with my primary every other week and ive meet with 2 nero doc's and on the 1st i have to go and have this testing on my eyes to see if the spinal presser messed up any thing, and that app. will take a min of 3 hours strate.

and if thats not bad enough the guy i really liked...well still really like, ive stoped talking to him and i feel like shit. its so hard for me to turn away from any of my friends but i also understand that theres a point in time when you just cant take the shit any more. fuck...i did every thing i could to show him how much i liked and cared about him, and he acted as if he didnt care. and thats not what made me distence myself from him, what made me do that is he treats me like crap. one day its all fine that im there and talking to him, and playing around, and the next day he blows me off completly. and every time he does it it crushed me, and i hate to attmite it but i even cried because of it. and now i see him in the halls and i cant help but feel like a jurk. the only other person that knows how i feel about him is my friends lauren and becky. and both say that im doing the right thing. so maybe i am...maybe im not, guess ill just have to wait and see......but im still going to feel like shit, and i know theres no getting around that.

hell today was the first day we got to do something in photography class. we did something called a "photo-gram" i think thats what its called. i did mine with a dried rose from my great grandmothers funeral and it was awsome. it was almost all black ...white where the rose was. you can tell what it is you just dont really see the detial. ill have it up asap

high school hell is back again. hell i didnt even get to go to my first 3 classes. the school didnt even have a damn scedual for me. but all well. i got some pretty cool classes this year that i think im going to do ok in.
oh i havent wrote about being completly off my meds yet. THERE FINALY GONE!!!! it only took 5 years to get my mom dad and dr. to agree to take me off and that the meds wornt helping me no mater how much they cramed down my throat. oh and today i told some one i was sorry for how i treated her last year. shes dating my x bf, in witch i honestly feel bad for her but its her thing not mine. but she seemed pretty cool.



my classes

world history/biology 10th
classical ideas
photography 1
ceramics 2
act lab
A lunch
english 12th
us history 11th

yeah im in 12 grade and im taking my 10th and 11th grade classes over. like i said the meds really fucked me up and im so glad to be off of them. i can actualy think and be my self, act my self, and actualy be happy or sad, and not just cost though every day.

still hurtin like a bitch but gettin better. off pain meds, and all that shit. however still swolen like hell. but other than that im doin ok.